Found: 26: I'm Sorry.

Well hi guys! It's nice to talk to you once again! I mean it's been like a whole day!? Lol anyways, I just wanted to say thank you to all of the people who left comments and thank you for supporting me but this is about you and for you so let's not get off track, okay?(; but thanks it means a lot. Hereeesss da next chapter!

This time I'll ask for... 8 comments?(; you can do it!

Chapter 26:

Thursday, November 8th, 2012

1:00pm

 

I woke up to the sun shining brightly into my eyes from the slit through my curtains. I squinted as I stared right into the bright light. I put my hand in front of my face and stood to block any more light from coming in. I sat back down on my bed, looks like I wasn’t going to get anymore sleep. Yes, I slept until one in the afternoon, but that was only because sleeping was where I didn’t feel pain.

And now I had to wake up to a destroyed house with a dysfunctional family and a crack head of a mom. Life just sounded great for me, right? Not. I wanted it all to end badly, and the only thing keeping me alive was the thought of Justin. I constantly had him on my mind and he was the only thought that kept suicide second in line.

He hadn’t called me since Monday, which was also the last time I went to school. I wasn’t brave enough to face any of those people right now, or ever. The only way I’d go to school is if the police forced me out of my own house and dragged me there.

Something new in my life was a little site called tumblr. I literally went on it all day and kept my mind thinking of more positive things besides death. It was of course a private blog for me, so no one knew that it was exactly me yet. And it was awesome, because I had thousands of followers already. They kept me happy while I posted things about suicide constantly.

I set my laptop aside and grabbed my phone. Not a good idea. Hate messages, once again. I didn’t bother to read any, because I knew that I’d just get hurt in the end.

Instead, I decided to see how my mom was doing. Of course, she was probably sleeping, drinking, or doing drugs. Or both of the last two I mentioned.

I walked downstairs, expecting my sisters to run up to me, but they didn’t. They were gone, and I was still getting used to it. I saw my mom sitting on the couch, leaning over and doing the only thing I didn’t want to see.

“Stop!” I yelled as I tackled her to the ground and snatched the needle from her hand.

I sat over her with tears in my eyes. This wasn’t the only time we’d gotten in fights over her doing drugs and drinking, it was probably about the tenth time if not twentieth.

“Get the hell off of me you bitch!” she yelled as she struggled from underneath me.

I sat on the ground with the needle in my hand and tears streaming down my face as my mom stood in front of me with an angry face.

“Give me it.” she sternly pleaded.

“No! I’m not going to let you do this to yourself!” I fought back as I stood- well sat my ground on the floor.

She looked left and right. Like she was searching for something. I watched her grab a box and run into the bathroom where she locked the door. I ran after her, but it was no use seeing I couldn’t get in.

“Don’t you care!?” I yelled from the other side of the door.

I couldn’t hear anything but my mother’s quiet sobs. It wasn’t just painful for her; it was painful for me too. I gave up after sometime and dropped the needle on the ground, leaving it lay there as I went to my room. I checked my laptop tumblr again. I had a few hundred more followers, yay. I say that in the most monotone voice ever, too.

I decided to make another video, my last video. These pats days had been so hard and I had nobody to talk to so I decided to get my emotions out by making videos. Of course, I kept them in a file on my desktop on my computer so that they were convenient but secret. But this was the last one, and I was just praying that maybe one day someone would find these.

I slammed my laptop shut and put on some different clothing. It was freezing outside, so this would be perfect. I left everything behind; my phone, my laptop, my life. I headed downstairs to find my mom out of the bathroom and sitting on the couch crying yet again. I took a deep breath and she turned as she heard me.

“(YNN) I’m so sorry about everything. I promise I’ll quit all of this I just want my family back.” She said as she sniffled.

“Do you not understand what you’ve done to me? You can’t just say sorry and think it’s okay, because it’s not. I can’t live like this, so I’m leaving this house, and this life.”

I shook my head when she didn’t bother to respond and I left the house without any shoes on. I walked down the empty street at 1:00am, waiting for happiness, waiting for peace. Eventually, this pain and heartache in my chest would disappear and everything would be okay once again. If only Justin knew that he was the one that kept me alive while I still was.

 

(Justin’s POV)

 

I was late on my flight because of all of my work, but I finally got a flight to Minnesota. It was already midnight when I arrived so I knew that I might be late. To think that I could even be just a second late, hurt. I missed (YN) so much and I had no idea what I could do if I lost her.

I got a ride to Payton and Kendall’s house where Payton promised to give me a ride to her mom’s house. I didn’t exactly have a car here, so I had to get a ride. I arrived at their apartment building and walked inside; making sure no one saw me. I knocked on the correct door and Taylor answered, hugging my legs tightly making me smile. She looked so similar to (YN) that it hurt me. I looked up to see Payton already waiting with her keys in her hand and her fur coat on. I nodded and let her lead me out to her car. There were no words on the way to her car and I was hoping that the ride would be different.

In the car, there was a faint noise of music streaming from the radio. It was calming and made em think of better things in life. That was until one of (YN)’s songs came on. I could tell that we both felt uncomfortable.

“I’ll change it.” I weakly spoke.

“No,” Payton said as she stopped my hand from reaching any farther, “it’s fine.”

I nodded and we let it play. When we arrived at (YN)’s house, I was struggling to keep it together. We walked up to the door and just walked inside, finding her mom sobbing on the couch. She stood up immediately when she saw us and began to cry more.

“Where’s (YN)?” Payton asked right away.

“Who knows? In fact, who cares? That little bitch is out there trying to get attention by threatening to ‘commit suicide’.”

My automatic reaction was grabbing Payton and holding her back from tackling her mom and beating her. She struggled in my arms while she screamed harsh words at her own mother and cried her eyes out.

“Please, Payton.” I begged her to calm down.

She finally fell to the ground in a fit of tears. It just hit me after minutes, that (YN) was or may be dead right now. She’s out there, trying to kill herself, and I needed to stop her. I needed to find out where she was.

I ran up to her room in search of any clues of where she could possibly go. I found her phone and her laptop lying on her bed. Her phone was filled with ate messages which at the moment I left alone. I grabbed her laptop and opened it up and logged in.

There was a video left up, and it was of her. I clicked play immediately and watched as she tried holding herself together as she spoke.

“Well, I’m (YN) (YLN) and everyone hates me. And I don’t know why, but maybe I do, because now I hate me too. And I don’t know who to go to or what to do anymore, so I’ve come to my last resort... One last thing before I leave though, is I want my boyfriend Justin to know that I love him and he's my world. Justin, you kept me alive while I still was. But I guess this is it, bye.”

My bottom lip quivered and my hands were shaky as I stood up straight and searched her room. I threw things to the floor looking for any signs, but it was odd because I felt something. I couldn't explain it but I knew where she was. I ran downstairs and stopped by Payton’s side, holding up her chin to look at me.

“Listen, I need you to stay calm, I’m going to find your sister.”

She barely nodded before I stood up and ran out of the door. I ran as far as I could down the street, not caring that my breath was running dangerously low. I was running for seconds, minutes, I couldn’t tell. I could’ve been running for miles, but I was only focused on getting there.

When I arrived, my eyes searched the bridge for (YN)’s petite figure. Finally, my eyes landed on a stick thin dark shadow in the distance. I slowly inched forward, trying to see if this was really her, if this was really real…

“(YN)?” my voice weakly spoke.

A light flickered and she slowly turned towards me. I was getting closer now, and so was she. I felt as if I got any closer now, she’d let go and fall backwards into the harsh waters. Once she hit them, the rocks beneath the surface would pierce her back and she’d be gone just like that.

I could hear her teeth chattering from how far I was away. She was freezing; only wearing a tank top and shorts without any shoes on. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and make sure that she’s warm. Snow began to fall lightly and we both looked up. After a few seconds, I watched her extend her arms and she mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’.

I ran as fast as possible and reached out, just barely grabbing her hands and pulling her back into me. I grabbed around her waist as we both fell to the ground and I held her tightly against my body. I could feel her cold skin against mine and it sent shivers down my spine.

I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her small body, giving her some protection from the winter coldness. She struggled with her thin arms and tried pushing me away, but after some time she gave up and gave in to me. She sobbed into my shirt and repeated the same phrase over and over.

“I just wanna die.”

A few tears fell from my eyes and I closed my eyes, finally feeling safe again. She may have been suicidal and diagnosed with depression, but I still loved her and nothing would change that.

It surprised me when the sobs stopped and she fell asleep in my arms. She was so tired that she gave up and stopped. I swallowed hard, seeing her so peaceful. She looked happy in her sleep.

I picked her up as I stood myself and cared her all the way back to her house. The sun was already rising as I walked, and I was afraid that she’d wake up, but she didn’t. She just laid peacefully in my arms and shivered away.