Beneath your Beautiful: 33: Sulking In My Own Sadness.

Hellllooo(: ahhh, this New Year is going absolutely great for me so far. Besides all of the drama with boys ugh.. How was your New Years?

Also, I know that Jelena is 'back' apparently, and I gotta say I'm kinda upset. It's not that I don't want them to be together, because I do want the best for justin, but I don't think Selena is it. Basically I love him so much that it hurts me to see him with someone who broke his heart, thats the main issue. He could do so much better in my opinion, but let's not go on a rant about how I hate Selena.. Lol

Can I get 8 comments for a new chapter?(;

Chapter 33:

December 14th, 2012

4:00pm

 

The past two weeks had been the worst two weeks of my life. I hadn’t gotten any sleep and I barely got out of bed… ever. I still travelled with Justin to every concert but now that was over and we were back at home as usual for a few days. I thought being home would help, but it didn’t. Justin was blaming himself constantly every minute of the day and somehow he’d been getting ahold of alcohol… and he wasn’t being responsible, let’s just say that.

I actually was home, at my dad’s currently, with sober Justin. We were having a family dinner because my dad wanted to sit down and ‘talk’ which I was not agreeing to fully. I didn’t want to talk; I wanted to just die pretty much.

“Honey, how are you?” my dad asked as we ate dinner.

I took a deep breath, the pain in my chest was hard to numb. “Better.”

“That’s good, and everything’s okay right now with you too, Justin?”

Justin squeezed my hand under the table and nodded towards my dad. Justin and I had been drifting apart ever since- well you know. The only problem was his constant drinking; it was tearing us apart slowly and I was afraid that soon it would all be over. We sulked in our sadness together and I had gotten wasted a few times myself, so I hated to judge him like this. It was definitely not getting better, and we weren’t going to be happy for a while, if ever.

“(YN), I just want to let you know that this can’t happen again. Pregnant at 18? That’s too young to be having kids-“

I looked up at my dad with piercing eyes, “What the hell?! You’re seriously going to bring this up right now when I’m mourning my daughter’s death?” I screamed at him.

“Well you need to understand that this can be prevented in the future-“

“No, dad,” I said sternly, “don’t fucking do this to me, not right now. I-I’m done.”

Right when I thought things might just be getting better, they weren’t. They were simply getting worse. I grabbed my overcoat and ran out of the door and across the street. I opened the gate to our house and waited as it slowly creaked open. I ran inside our house and dropped my coat on the floor before running for the stairs. I was stopped when my attention caught a crowd of people standing around in the kitchen. I looked and saw Ari, Fredo, Twist, Za, and Maejor Ali waiting patiently for Justin and I to return. I stopped going up the stairs and headed towards them instead.

“Hey you, how’d it go?” Twist spoke up first.

“I-“
Before I could finish my sentence I broke down and fell into Ari’s arms. Everyone silently stood around and Justin came in after me to explain things. I calmed myself down after some time and Ari and I sat in chairs at the island. Justin silently stood with the others around and I finally wiped away the last tears.

“I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight.” I said quietly as I stared off into the distance.

I stood up and began to walk away and Ari followed close behind me, grabbing my arm to stop me for a minute.

“I’ll be up there in 10 in my pajamas.” She smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back for once and continue my way up the stairs.

“Justin, do you mind if I take your place tonight?” I heard Ari yell behind me.

“Nah, go ahead.” Justin said, “I’ll chill with the boys tonight.”

I got to our room and put on a pair of pajamas and slipper socks. I sat in bed and opened up my laptop for the first time today. Now that the world knew what happened, most people felt bad about everything that was going on. Now instead of seeing hate everywhere, it was all support. And now that people knew that Harry was my brother and not my lover, they were happy. I guess that was something to be happy for, but it was just so hard either way.

“Hey girl.” Ari said opening the door and walking in with two tall curvy glasses.

She set one down on my side of the bed and walked to Justin’s side where she sat down and covered her legs with the blanket. I closed my laptop and set it on the ground and grabbed the glass by my bedside.

“What’s this?” I asked as I smelt the dark liquid.

“A glass of wine,” Ari said holding here’s up a little closer to me, “For us, to get your mind off of things.”

I clinked my glass with hers and took a sip. It was pretty good wine, I gotta admit that. I set it down and Ari pulled out a few movies. This is why she was the best friend I’d ever had.

“Okay, we are going to watch all of these movies but you can choose which one you want to watch first.”

I laughed and choose a random movie. I loved having a girl night like this. It was so nice to finally just get my mind off of things. I was just worried about what Justin was doing downstairs. If Fredo bought wine for Ari and I, there was obviously other alcohol down there.

“Ari, is Justin drinking again?” I interrupted the movie.

She breathed out slowly, like she’d known this whole time but didn’t tell me. “I tried to stop him but everyone else is and I-I’m sorry.”

I groaned and cupped my face in my hands. Great… Justin seriously needed to clean up his act and he better not be drunk when I go downstairs.

“I’ll be right back.” I said to Ari as I peeled back the covers.

“Okay.” She said, unsure that I would actually come back.

I shut the bedroom door behind me and I could already here the loud obnoxiousness of drunks downstairs. I made my way towards the noise in the kitchen and I poked my head in. Justin was the first to see me and he automatically yelled.

“HEY! Look, it’s my beautiful girlfriend.” He said as he stumbled over to me.

I had to catch him from falling, he was that fucked up. I dragged him into the living room and made him sit down, taking the drink from his hand and setting in on the table.

“Babe,” Justin whined, “what are you doing? I was drinking that.”

“I’m stopping you from making bad decisions.” I whispered. I didn’t want everyone else in the house to hear everything we talked about.

“I’m not-“
“Justin stop,” I said sternly, “yes you are. And if you don’t stop, you’re going to ruin your life. No one else may notice that you’re turning into an alcoholic, but I do, and soon the world will too.”

Justin rolled his eyes and fell back into the couch cushions. I groaned and stood up. I knew that he wasn’t going to ever listen to anything I said when he was drunk.

“I won’t ruin my life, I’ve got you and my fans and family and everyone loves me.” Justin said.

“You really think that don’t you?” I laughed and shook my head. "That everyone loves you?"

“I know that, silly. Right now everyone feels sorry for me so no matter what I do they won’t leave me. So why don’t you sit down and have a drink sweetie?” Justin said grabbing my wrists and pulling me into him. I fell into his lap and tried pushing myself off of him but he held me down. God, he was being so annoying.

“Justin stop being a dick.” I said as I clenched my teeth.

“Oh come on.” Justin said as he tried to kiss me.

I rejected him and finally pushed myself off of him and slapped him across the face. When he was drunk he became so annoying and especially horny. I hated this Justin, most of the time at least.

“What the hell was that?!” Justin yelled as he grabbed his face in pain.

“That was for all of this Justin! If you keep doing this we will be over and that’s that! So pick now Justin, me or the alcohol?”

He pushed me away and stood up to face me. I blocked his way to the kitchen so that he had to answer me either way. He tried to push me away from the door but I was forceful and I pushed him back.

“Why are you being such a bitch?!” he yelled. Everyone in the kitchen quieted and I could feel them watching us.

“Choose Justin!” I yelled back with tears stinging my eyes. I dropped my arms form the doorway and gave him a choice, motioning towards the kitchen. “Is this what you choose?”

He pushed past me and entered the kitchen where all of the guys silently waited. He threw his hands up in the air and screamed at all of them, “What are you looking at?!”

I shook my head and ran upstairs as quickly as I could. I ran into Ari before I got to our room and she grabbed me and stopped me.

“What happened?” she said worriedly as she wrapped her arms around my shaky body.

“I-I’m done with Justin.” I shakily spoke as I pulled away from her. “I’m staying in a hotel tonight, you’re welcome to come if you’d like.”

I packed a bag quickly full of stuff and Ari did the same downstairs in her room. Being alone in that room was nice because now I had some time to think. Justin and I were over; he just chose to end it. I grabbed the picture frame of us on the nightstand and turned it facedown. I took everything that he ever gave me off and threw it on the floor, leaving it behind. Including all of the jewelry and everything else, the only thing I couldn’t get rid of was the tattoo which I honestly didn’t regret.

I met Ari downstairs in front of the door and she was already talking to Alfredo who was intoxicated already too. At least he was trying though, unlike Justin. I listened to their conversation as I put on my shoes.

“Where are you going baby?” Fredo asked.

“I’m leaving with (YN), let go of me please.”

“Don’t leave, what happened?”

“Ask your douchebag friend Justin, in the meantime I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

She pushed him away and we left the house together. Wow, I didn’t think that Ari would be completely on my side like this. Well she is my best friend so I understand why, but still.

We ended up at a hotel just five minutes away but it was still away. I would say that we could’ve gone back to my dad’s but I was pissed at him too. I literally had no one that I could go to. Harry was traveling with the boys so it was no luck to even contact him yet, not until I figured some things out.

Later that night, after Ari fell asleep, I was on my laptop when a box popped up, from Skype. I was getting a call from Jeremy, surprisingly. I put my headphones in and answered it.

“(YN)!” Jazzy and Jaxon yelled.

They got all up close to the camera and I could see Jeremy and Pattie in the background laughing. They’d gotten together just to talk to Justin and I, probably.

“Hey you two!” I whispered as I waved and blew kisses.

They excitedly waved back and scrambled farther away from the camera. “Where’s Bieber?” Jaxon asked as he sat staring.

“Um, Jax, can I talk to you dad and Pattie for a minute?”

He backed away and Pattie set both of them on the ground. They knew this was serious when I rejected to answer Jaxon’s question. I never did that, not to those two little ones.

“Is something wrong?” Pattie asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m staying in a hotel tonight. Justin and I- we got into a fight and he broke up with me.” I said, holding back tears. I couldn’t cry in front of his parents, not tonight, not ever.

“Are you okay? Do you need us to talk to Justin?” they both questioned.

“It’s no use, his drinking is so out of control and you guys know how he is when he starts; he doesn’t stop.”

“Well, are you still coming for the holidays?” Jeremy asked.

Christmas. I completely forgot about the holiday’s altogether. This was going to ruin everything, but Justin and I weren’t together so I had no control over it. I swallowed hard and looked away for a few seconds.

“I’m not sure if Justin would agree to that.” I said as I sucked in a painful breath. I knew damn well that Justin wasn’t going to want me to go to their Christmas now that we were broken up. And I already told my dad that I never wanted to see him again, so that wasn’t working out either. Harry would be my last resort, but he was supposed to come with me to Justin’s. His family invited us both…

“Listen, whether Justin likes it or not, you’re a part of this family and you always will be. The kids, they miss you a lot and I’d hate to see them upset over this. We’ll figure something out, just plan on coming up here for Christmas okay?”

“Okay.”